Ducati All Stars: D-list musicians are really desperate for free motorcycles

Dailies -

By

Ducati_Allstars.jpgScene: a generic cubicle farm in a generic office park in Cupertino.
Fluorescent lights hum loudly, but “Hey now, you’re a rockstar” can
still be heard faintly in the background being piped through the office
intercom. Two men in their mid-thirties wearing identical Men’s
Warehouse suits enter, one is suspiciously tan for the time of year.
>

Marketing flack #1: Whatsup broseph? Didn’t see you leave TGI Friday’s last night.

Marketing flack #2: Awww, dude, those appletinis were screwing with my system.

#1: I hear you there brother, those things are harrrrd (nods head and screws face up for emphasis).

#2: Besides, Donna was all over Brad from accounting.

#1: Dude, you need to get over that chick, she doesn’t deserve you.

#2: *Sniff* Thanks man (sits up, straightens wide, pastel tie), so what’s this meeting about?

#1: I don’t know dude, I guess sales are down, no one reads
Motorcyclist any more and we need to find some way to reach a new
audience.

#2: So lifestyle marketing?

#1: Yep and you know what that means?!

Both: Chicks (high five)!

#1: So what’re we going to do?

#2: Shit man, I dunno. Says here we need to reach men, aged 25 to 35 that earn at least $75,000.

#1: I guess we could try the Internet, I hear you can target your advertising to specific demographics.

#2: Nahh, dude, how’s that going to get us chicks?

#1: You’re right, only nerds us the Internet anyways (hides iPhone in pocket). I know what we can do, we can pay celebrities to endorse our product.

#2: Dude, I told you yesterday, we can’t afford Mario Lopez.

#1: Shit, well we’ve got all these unsold bikes lying around, what if we give a bunch of desperate losers a free Ducati in return for endorsement?

#2: We’re Ducati, we don’t want desperate losers!

#1: Dude, that doesn’t matter, the execs don’t know any better.

#2: You’re right and besides, washed up rock stars have all the good coke. Who do you think we can get?

#1: Oh, I don’t know, but I saw Steve Jones, the guitarist from The Sex Pistols; Jason Bonham, who once played drums for Led Zeppelin during a revival concert; Steve Stevens who played guitar for Billy Idol; Billy Morrison who I guess was in some band called Camp Freddy; Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray; Chris Wyse, the bassist from The Cult; Donovan Leitch, the Donovan Leitch’s son; and some random guy named Franky Perez in the food stamp line at the post office yesterday, I bet they’d do it.

#2: Sweet, the last thing I want to do is call any publicists. But do you think we can convince them to, you know, really plug the product?

#1: Food stamps man, food stamps.

#1: Shit man, it’s almost noon, want to see if Bennigan’s is open yet?

Fade to black.

Ducati

  • M.P.

    “…who once plaid drums for Led Zeppelin…”

    What did he do to the drumset?

  • scott

    Wes,
    You are so uber cool.
    No need to anal-ize… just have a good time.
    FN homo.

  • Sean Smith

    Absolutely hilarious. When I first saw this video, my reaction was “Wow. So ducati is the new harley?”

    • http://hellforleathermagazine.com Wes Siler

      You’re not the only one.

  • http://leovinceusa.com jb

    that video is shameful.

  • Chris

    Wow. That was lame.

  • Tom

    I’ll just go to my happy place and pretend I didn’t see that video.

    Wow lameness has NO bounds whatsoever.

    • http://hellforleathermagazine.com Wes Siler
      • http://www.urbandirtbike.com gregorbean

        The URL contained a malformed video ID.

        • http://hellforleathermagazine.com Wes Siler

          Should be working now.

      • Sean Smith

        Wow. You weren’t joking around Wes; that’s a pretty happy place.

      • Tom

        Ahhhh, now I can start a Friday in peace! Thanks Wes!

      • uberbox

        Wow. I just remembered why I started to like Ducati in the first place. The Supermono is just so right. In fact I just fired off an email to DNA about how they need to focus on building bikes like the Supermono again to win over customers and not pay Mark McGrath to get drunk and talk about how awesome Ducati is.

        The email will probably fall on the deaf ears but at least I feel better. Maybe if we all did the same thing they’d start to listen.

  • http://rockersCT.com R13

    They ride Ducati “when we get paid to”??? Fuck them. Give me the damn bike.

  • robotribe

    What?! Did Steve Jones bring his own Sid Vicious look-a-like to the party? Scandalous.

    Okay, seriously, that vid is embarrassing…for EVERYONE involved with it. I can only excuse it if it’s well-disguised parody.

  • http://www.buyshitdostuff.com/ Eric H.

    Unglaublich…

    Yes, well at least a couple of the people in that little group of musical whores/troglodytes were honest/drunk/stoned/stupid enough to say they were getting payola and free bikes to even be there in the first place…

    I think the same as Sean Smith above – Ducati is the 21st century Hardly-Dangerous…Has been for awhile actually now that I think about it…

    Best Regards,

    Eric H.

  • Ben(pi)

    I read through all the comments before watching the video, and thought to myself, It can’t really be that bad. Good god I was wrong. The way I heard this was going down was that Jonesy was buying a new Ducati from Pro Italia, and then there was a group ride to the show. But this, this is atrocious.

    Is Ducati as poorly publicized and marketed in the rest of the world, or are we Americans just lucky? I understand that there is a ton of money to be made in clothing and accessories, and that building a lifestyle is the easiest way to increase those sales, but this is sad.

    Ducati admits that they’re primary advertising focus is towards current motorcycle riders rather than new riders, so why do something like this? If you want to sell a brand, focus on the product.

    I remember when Cagiva stilled owned them, and the beautiful “I’ve got a Ducati on my mind” campaign. Oh right, they didn’t sell any jeans, haltertops, branded Oakley shades, or iron on tattoos.

  • lux

    You boys apparently don’t know what “subtle sarcasm” is, Appears Billy Morrision knows a great deal about the Ducati Line and the $85k one He was going to get to ride the next day, Steve Jones not only a Brilliant Guitar player who’s style changed the face of R&R for ever and influenced millions of kids since 1977 is usually seen tooling around town on a Triumph. Looks like 4 guys having themselves a time ata Ducati Event held just for them and making great light about it. When’s the last time that happend to any of you or you influenced anyone? No, Just keep dressing up like Power Rangers and talk about Your “Lean Angle” some more after your done with “Work”.

    • CafeRacer1200

      Lux? Lux Interior? I thought you were dead.

  • http://www.buyshitdostuff.com/ Eric H.

    Steve Jones is a “brilliant guitar player who’s style changed the face of R&R forever” you say…!?!?!?

    Lux, give me some of whatever it is you’re smoking, please…I’m going to assume that you’re stoned out of your tree instead of just talking out of your backside…

    I witnessed Steve Jones up close and in person in a recording studio back in ´87 while he was laying down an extra guitar track for a cover of a Pistols number being done by Dave Mustaine & Co. and our pal Steve couldn’t even tune his f’king guitar, nevermind change the face of R&R…

    Seriously, his guitar was so completely out of tune and his playing was so poorly executed and out of time that it was summarily decided to literally bury his guitar track in the mix – so much so that it’s barely audible on the finished track appearing on the “so far, so good…so what!” album…

    Steve Jones is an original member of the Sex Pistols and he gets respect and “coolness points” for that…But he was and is just a mediocre guitarist – that’s it…Sorry, but my dick plays a meaner guitar that our man Steve does.

    A+ for Hero Worship though, Lux… ;-)

    Best Regards,

    Eric H.

    • http://muthalovin.com the_doctor

      Dude, you dont have to know how to tune a guitar to play it. See example, um, rock since the 90s.

  • http://muthalovin.com the_doctor

    I think the conversation between Marketing Flack 1 and 2 are not limited to Ducati, but pretty much any marketing firm on planet earth. Aside from the one that does Audi. Audi adverts are the bossest.

    /ducks

  • George

    I so want a Ducati t-shirt now.

  • Hangar4

    Makes me want to switch over to Aprilia or MV Agusta. hangs head in shame

  • CBontheMV

    The Ducati mystique fades a little faster every time they come out with one of these ill-conceived events meant to appeal to complete asshats. As a marketer, I’d let the bikes (and the hardcore Ducatisti) speak for the brand.

  • General Apathy

    Please let this be a one-off…

  • Boner1

    Wes Siler you made my day…

    Oh and we don’t have a Bennigan’s in Cupertino Bro.

    Just a TGI Friday’s..hahahaha

  • http://www.proitalia.com Bill Nation

    Steve Jones picked up his GT 1000 that we customized for him last Saturday. He’s a real motorcycle enthusiast. Has a Hypermotard too. He does pay for what he gets and is a pleasure to have as a customer. Some pictures are on our website blog and facebook page. http://www.proitalia.com

    The band picked up loaner bikes at our shop same day. Freddy Perez a Streetfighter, Billy Morrison a Sport 1000S, and Mark McGraft a GT 1000. Whatever the PR value- the Roxy Show was fantastic. My wife Donna was asked to either refrain from dancing on the table or be removed. – but then again- she doesn’t get out much.

  • Maas

    Ducati is more and more becoming a douche brand… I’m sad to say I own one.

    The Bennigan’s in Santa clara is only 7 miles away

  • Boner1

    Mass-

    Good god I thought they all closed. Party at Bennigan’s tonight BRO!!

  • powermatic

    “…desperate for free motorcycles…”

    And that’s different from the rest of us how? And yet, this seemed to reach a level of lameosity that would cause Pauly Shore to wince in empathetic shame. Still, could we expect anything less from a company that actually names a bike ‘Streetfighter’? Isn’t that a ‘type’ of motorcycle, and isn’t it the consumer’s job to decide if a bike is a ‘Sport Tourer’, a ‘Cruiser’, or in this case, a ‘Streetfighter’? Next on the list, I suppose, we’ll see the Ducati ‘Bobber’, to be shortly followed by, of course, ‘Chopper’. Not good.

    I am a big believer in loyalty, however, so I appreciate seeing the dealers come forward to show support. Well done men.

  • Sean Smith

    How do you know you’re a D-lister?
    “…and Mark McGraft a GT 1000.”

    I think that about says it.

  • Telekom

    I’d be a happy D-lister if somebody gave me a free GT1000. Pretty bike. Let’s face it though, 90% of motorcycle marketing is cringeworthy anyway. I can’t bring myself to watch the video.

  • bedlam

    What, you would have preferred a ZZ Top show? I saw a few dozen concerts last year ranging from Metallica and Shinedown, to Prince and Coldplay, to Them Crooked Vultures and Dead Before Sunrise, to Bon Iver and The Dead Weather, (and with Slash showing up at about a third of the shows I went to for some reason). I will tell you this show rocked. The set up is very similar to Camp Freddy (highly recommended); essentially it is a high end cover band with various performers going on and off for the tunes — and a good show. Instead of whatever the goof intent was in video above, check out one of the performance vids…here’s one at random and you’ll find links to others.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhQryq6mRy0&feature=related

    I don’t know where it fits in the realm of marketing effectiveness – I’ve already bought into the brand. I’m on my third Duc so I don’t know if that makes me an “Asshat” or a Ducatisti, (yeah, now just waiting for the first to quote that and say “You’re an Asshat”). All I do know is I had a good time thanks to Ducati North America. When was the last time Honda (or fill in other brand) did anything for you?

  • Norovirus

    That was really pathetic.

  • http://www.fuckyouverymuch.gov ~ToeCutter

    Joes a Great Guitarist? WTF…

    Ducati Marketing Sucks… Movies, Actors and Crap… and No Honda would do nothing for your sorry ass… they just build bikes wouldnt sell you lifestyle.. thats up to you… ;) you dont need a Honda/Yamaha etc tshirt for everyone to see wtf you ride! you just fucking ride it!

  • generic1776

    I guess Sugar Ray and the Black Eyed Peas were booked that night.

    I’ll admit, I got about 10 seconds into the video before I had to stop it.

    I’d rather see people that are not on a “list” chat at a rest stop in the desert.

    • bedlam

      uh, Sugar Ray was there. Who do you think Mark McGrath is anyway?

  • http://www.bendeuromoto.com Kathy Jo Porter

    For those of you who would rather sit at home in your underwear and slam Ducati on the internet because it somehow makes you feel more elevated as a human being and elitist Ducatisti – piss off. Ask anyone who was actually there, it was great fun, great musicians, great marketing. It’s so easy to be a critic, isn’t it? These guys ride Ducatis, Dave Grohl rides a Harley Trike. Who’s lame now?

    • Sean Smith

      Correction: These guys were paid to ride Ducatis. The bikes they rode up on weren’t even theirs. They were just loaners from Pro Italia.

      • Kathy Jo Porter

        Another person who has no idea what they’re talking about.

    • http://www.buyshitdostuff.com/ Eric H.

      Lol…

      I’m not even wearing underwear, Kathy Jo – I’m actually using my wireless internet connection to write this as I make my morning bowel evacuation – totally naked…!!! 8-)

      Turn on your Ducati-cam…??? ;-P

      Best Regards,

      Eric H.

    • CafeRacer1200

      Who’s lame now? Musicians/artists that adapt the lifestyle but have never ridden so much as a Tomos? Fine. I can accept that the people here haven’t earned the chops to own a Ducati when I suffered through the Cagiva years and before, dreaming. I no longer dream but I still feel the bile rise in my throat when I see the honor being abused. I still feel heartburn when I see bikes that should be owned by enthusiasts being handed to over-privilidged “celebrities.” Am I jealous? Maybe. Still I wouldn’t trade my stint in WERA, my hospital stays and all the years I lived in the north without a car for the chance to receive an unearned Ducati.

    • Tom

      I don’t sit at home in my underwear on the internet (normally, ok Saturday morning…guilty as charged) but with Ducati’s I tend to bring them to racetracks and enjoy them for what they are, incredible, ingenious machines designed for the racetrack. I think a better marketing gig would be for actual racers to pull up on the bikes and be half-wit lame ass comedians. “Hey Ducati paid me to be a comedian tonight, I’m out of my element, but at least I rode in a bike that fits me well.”

      I should get paid for this crap…. HIRE ME DUCATI!! (Wes has my email, lol)

  • Eurothusiast

    Hm, this has definitely made me think even less of Ducati. What a shame.

  • KRT

    I’ll try to forget this dark day in US Desmo history and remember when Hunter Thompson was writing the fear he felt on a 95′ 900SS. Ducati should’ve gone that route instead since “Men 25 to 35 that earn at least $75,000″ are far more interested in good drugs than good music anyway.

  • pdub

    A moto lifestyle blog getting all catty about a moto lifestyle event. How gauche.

  • Ed

    Steve owns and rides his own Ducatis (and other bikes as well), pays retail for his work done just like everyone else, and likes to have a little fun with the whole rock and roll image as you can see. The other guys were pleasure to work with as well, and put on a fun, not too serious show to a packed house.

    Yes, it was a corporate sponsored show – so what? Not highbrow enough for you all? Lighten up, Francis. In a time when motorcycle industry sales are down by something like 50% across the board, dealerships failing everywhere and entire brands being axed or sold off it’s nice to see some corporate promo dollars being spent for people’s enjoyment rather than just another series of website ads.

  • Carlos Antonio

    Jajahahahahahahahahahajahahahajajjajajajajajjajaja!!!!!!!!!!!

    Mario Lopez. :D

    but the bennigans in ft. Lauderdale closed down.

    Sad. ;(

    and so did the Ducati/Triumph dealer.

    Where’s McGrath when he’s needed?

  • http://hypecircle.com Steve L

    Funny thing is all these guys were riding Harleys with Ricky Rachman (MTV Headbanger’s Ball if you remember) and going to clubs like Spice in the late 80s and early 90s. Now they’re on Ducatis….

    As a marketing exercise to sell bikes in LA not a bad idea as the crowd at the show has the money to buy them. As a brand alliance for Ducati not so great. Kind of been bugging me that the Ducati Facebook page has been posting on this so much. Hopefully they’ll leave it alone. Or I’ll have to unfriend them.