The 2011 Moto Guzzi Stelvio is angry

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Listen BMWR1200GS, I’m tired of you thinking you’re superior just because you’re German. You got your ass handed to you in the war just as badly as we did. And you, Ducati Multistrada 1200, I’m tired of you bragging about how fast you are. It’s no wonder considering the amount of coke it must have taken to collapse your septum. Screw you both, now that I’ve had my Strabismus corrected I don’t want to hear either of you talking shit till you get rid of that lazy eye or fly your broke ass to Miami and get a freakin Rhinoplasty. Oh, and I bought myself some cast wheels just for good measure.

  • Patrick from Astoria

    Cute write-up, but it (and every other post so far today) does bring out a question: Why are the manufacturers thinking that a modern motorcycle must look like it had a bad day at work?

  • MikeD

    Im just throwing this out there:

    THERE IS a Biker God SOMEWHERE in Heaven or w/e is at that have not forsaken this minion.

    All my bitching and whining for some CAST WHEELS on the Stelvio have been answered. OK, Im done.

    • MikeD

      P.S: I had a good laugh too reading the article.

  • SockMonkey

    Any indication that MG enlarged the tiny fuel tank (18L) by, oh, another 5 or 6 liters..? Please?

    • Wes Siler

      It’s supposed to be up by quite a bit, but there’s no official specs yet. We’ll bring them to you once they’re released, which is currently scheduled for tomorrow.

      • SockMonkey

        Thanks, Wes. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. That tiny tank has been the only thing keeping me from being an owner. Positioned against the big GS as it was, I can’t believe they even introduced it to the market with a straight face. Those Italians are indeed some odd fellows. I oughta know, I am one. Well, kinda, sorta…

        • SockMonkey

          Update: A Norwegian site is reporting the new Stelvio as having a 32 liter (8.45 gallon) tank. At 40 mpg, that’s a 300+ mile range bike. How sweet is that?!

          • MikeD

            WOW, if it’s true that’s rigth there next to the GS1200A. QUITE an improvement from the first incarnation.

  • Penectomy

    Count me as a fan! May be the first Guzzi I seriously consider purchasing…well, wait how much is it?

    13K or under – sold
    15K eh, probably not
    19K sorry, above my range for ANY bike

    I do really like it.

    • richard gozinya

      I think the Stelvio goes for around 15k. Moto Guzzis aren’t cheap.

  • AGP

    Ha ha ha… all right, big props for some LMFAO writing there. :D

    The bike, not so much…

  • Random

    +1 on teh writing.

    Any influence of Terblanche and Galuzzi in this bike’s design?

  • MichaelMM

    Hey, 2011 Stelvio, fuck you.

    -Multistrada 1200S

  • Liquidogged

    Styling-wise, the headlights are so dumb that nothing else matters.

    Is Italy secretly being run by aliens now? … angry aliens?