Ridden everywhere and seen everything? Literally been around the block? Know the answer to newbie questions, but can’t be bothered answering them? Here’s eight signs you’re a jaded motorcycle expert like me.
1. Riding Buddies? Who Needs ‘Em?
Ask me if I want to go riding this weekend. Doesn’t matter who you are or what you ride, my answer’s going to be, “No.” No, I don’t want to help you learn to go faster. No, I don’t want to spend my lunchtime talking about Marc Marquez, again. And yes, I’ve ridden that route before. Yes, I’ve spent too much time fixing other people’s bike. Yes, I’ve had to take people to the hospital who thought they could keep up. No, I don’t want to do that again.
2. Whoa, You Really Heard That Motorcycles Are Dangerous?!
Oh man, I did not realize that. I should totally reconsider my life choices based on your well researched and objective study. Sweet Prius, you ever been on the track in that thing? Oh man, I totally know what you mean, I’ve allowed life to get in the way of me ever doing any of the stuff I wanted to do too. No, not really. Sweet tattoo, looks tough. Seen my scars?
3. No, You Should Not Buy That New Bike
Wow, you’re going to buy a new bike? That’s so cool. Too bad you’ll never manage to experience even 10 percent of its performance riding the way you do. But, it’s totally worth you sinking $20,000 into, even though you’d do better spending $2,000 on a track school. Yeah, you’re going to look super cool parking that Panigale at bike night with chicken strips like that. And no, you still can’t come riding with me. But I’m being nice, so I’ll just give you a non-committal shrug.
4. You’re Telling Me I Could Get Free Pizza By Fixing Your Bike?
Wait, wait, wait. I could get an entire pizza (shared with you) for free, by spending my entire Saturday afternoon reversing all your cack-handed motorcycle repair mistakes? That’s like an $8.99 value! And man, it wasn’t like I had any plans or anything. I mean, other than loading up my immaculately maintained bike with camping gear and going riding that is. But man, free pizza, tough decision.
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