10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Date A Motorcyclist

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10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Date A Motorcyclist

Photo by path*doc

Chicks dig bikes. Bikers are cool. Seems like a match made in heaven, eh? Think again, Juliet – Romeo is surely not all he’s cracked up to be.

Beyond the hot bike, the cool clothes, and the devil-may-care attitude, your biker guy likely has a slew of things higher on his priority list than you. If you think you’ve met Mr. Right Biker, beware: here are a few things of which you might want to be wary.

1. We’re Probably Wearing Jeans

If you were hoping for a romantic, candlelit meal at a tres-fancee restaurant, forget it. While it’s feasible Chateau L’Xpensif has a dinner jacket loaner for your beau, there’s no way he’s getting into the dining room wearing Deth Killers. Instead, expect to end up getting to know each other better over a mess o’ribs at Steak N’ Steer.

10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Date A Motorcyclist

2. We’re Taking Your Car

Unless you’re willing to have a major hair-do altering experience, you should expect to drive. Check that: You should expect to hand over the keys to your car. No self-respecting motorcyclist would be caught dead riding shotgun, and any biker worth his salt isn’t going to show up in a car anyhow. However, if you’re willing to ride pillion, read on.

10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Date A Motorcyclist

Photo by Chris Hall

3. We’re Never Around

Ah, a beautiful Saturday morning. How about a stroll in the park, or brunch at that hip new cafe? Sure, if your friends are around. Look, unless there’s a blizzard going on, motorcyclists are going to spend their free time riding motorcycles. And even if there is a blizzard, chances are your biker buddy is in the garage, cursing over a pile of bolts and cotter pins and wondering: how in God’s name are there are parts left over?

10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Date A Motorcyclist

Photo by Jake Sutton

4. If We Are Around, We’re Late

In the market for a gentleman? Someone looking to impress you with punctuality, chivalry, and savoir-faire? Try eHarmony.com. A motorcyclist will show up late, with grease under his nails, full of apologies and clutching a bouquet of pre-wrapped, doghouse roses that he picked up at the market on the way over. Here’s a handy tip: Don’t make reservations.

10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Date A Motorcyclist

Photo by The Baza

5. We Don’t Have (Much) Money

Oh sure, there’s enough in the kitty for a burger and a beer, or maybe even to catch a flick. Hell, we might even be able to make rent this month, baby! But bills? Who’s got money for stinking bills? Let me be perfectly clear: Any hot single guy under 40 with a beautiful bike is likely to be as destitute as they come. The only riders willing and able to be sugar daddies are your father’s golfing buddies.

10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Date A Motorcyclist

Photo by Mark Thomas

Continue: Reason 6-10 Not To Date a Motorcyclist >>

 

  • Mark D

    11. If you stay with us long enough, YOU’LL find yourself riding, too!

    • killian101

      made future wife get her endorsement, bought her some gear, basically she had no say. We ride about all the time

      • Mark D

        Oddly enough, the GF actually WANTED to ride after seeing how easily I got parking in the city, and how quickly I could get around town. She then proceeded to get ME into scootering!

    • http://metabomber.com/ Jesse

      My wife doesn’t ride (or want to ride with me), but that’s OK. I also don’t do yoga. We both get our zen on in different ways.

  • Deeds

    What if you’re gay? Are you telling me I am going to find the perfect moto husbando?

    • Brett Livingood

      Devil’s advocate here: the article doesn’t clearly specify whether ladies shouldn’t date guys who ride, it’s more generally why YOU (anyone) shouldn’t date a motorcyclist. In other words, this is why the stereotypical modern motorcyclist is a poor companion.

      • Jonny Langston

        Fair enough. I’d say even dudes who dig dudes probably shouldn’t date motorcyclists.

    • STRTRRR

      As someone with ahem some experience in this area…
      Add #11) You have a sport that I cannot participate in, and I cannot fully engage in your friendships with your motorcycle buddies. I feel there is a large and important part of your life that I cannot share with you. HUGE deal-breaker. Way worse than it is for women who might feel similarly about their men.
      Speaking intra-community as it were, you’ve got the leather/cruiser crowd who *tend* to be more of bike-as-lifestyle-appurtenance. Branch out into the gay sportbike riders, the adventure bikers, and the dirtbike crowd, and you will find small but close-knit communities of extremely experienced guys who ride really well and are quite fast. Put a bunch of adrenaline junkies together and add the gay thing and you’ve got a band-of-brothers camaraderie vibe that is off the charts. Of course, after you break up with one of them, you’re forced to see them forever, which is a drag.
      Other than that, as it is with so many things, our list isn’t really all that different.

      • Jonny Langston

        As long as the Boogers one still makes the list, pt. 2

      • http://www.RideApart.com/ Jen Degtjarewsky

        I’d love to have you write a guest blog post about that for us. If you are interested, drop me a note at jdegtjarewsky@rideapart.com

  • Scott Ellison

    Aww come on RideApart. You’re all about the next generation of motorcycling, and anything forward thinking like that might do well to also acknowledge the existence of dudes who like dudes.

    • Mark D

      Or girls who like girls. Lots of them ride, too.

      • katesy

        True. Or even hetero women who ride.

    • Jonny Langston

      True, true. Feel free to submit a Guest Column, Mr. Guest … ;)

  • Brett Livingood

    “how in God’s name are there are parts left over?” — this, everytime

  • Rameses the 2nd

    Jon, why are you doing this to us? Thankfully chicks usually don’t hangout at sites like RideApart.

    • Heather McCoy

      Say what?!

      • Rameses the 2nd

        Hahah… You are certainly an exception. Hence the word “usually” in my comment.

        • eddi

          Want some siracha on that boot you’re gnawing? ]:-}

  • Heather McCoy

    So, is this your way of asking me to write the encore piece, “10 Reasons You SHOULD Date a FEMALE Motorcyclist”? Cuz, yeah.

    • katesy

      Heck yeah lady

    • http://www.themotolady.com/ MotoLady

      LMAO Heather! I’m already on it. ;)

      • Kay

        Your list was so much better written. Thanks for doing that!

        • Guest

          Haha, aww thanks Kay. To be fair, our websites are very different.

      • Trevor

        Thank you for your article, 10 Reasons Why You Should Date a Motorcyclist. This article is just crap.

    • Jonny Langston

      As long as the one about Boogers still makes the list …

      • susannaschick

        boogers are tasty.

        • maxkohl

          Wow I thought I was the only one who thought that.

      • The Mrs

        I don’t have an issue with boogers. I wear a full face helmet so I don’t know if that makes a difference in booger production. lol

    • http://www.RideApart.com/ Jen Degtjarewsky

      Hi Heather,
      If you are serious and want to do a guest post as a rebuttal, we can get you set up. Feel free to contact me here: jdegtjarewsky@rideapart.com

      • susannaschick

        motolady did one on her site, which is brilliant. but seriously. how about I write one about why I don’t date men who don’t ride? It will be short and succinct.

        • http://www.RideApart.com/ Jen Degtjarewsky

          Drop me an email

    • SteveNextDoor

      1. Leather onesie

      No explanation needed.

      • susannaschick

        no, but you can’t say “Leather onesie” without the proper pic… http://goo.gl/KOQP5k

      • Khali

        Any woman doing a dangerous/hard thing such as motorcycling as well as, or better than me (not hard btw) is sexy. Period.

    • Piglet2010

      RevGirl, I presume?

      • Heather McCoy

        You got me.

        • http://www.themotolady.com/ MotoLady

          Caught red haired!

    • Kirk Roy

      I’m already married so none of this applies in my case but it seems to me that a single male motorcyclist would jump at the opportunity to date a single female motorcyclist. Do you single male motorcyclists really need convincing?

      • meryle

        There are exceptions to this rule, but this is how it seems to go most of the time: On the first couple dates, single male motorcyclist finds single female motorcyclist intriguing, desirable, unusual. Then he realizes he’s out with a woman who has dirt under her nails, un-done hair, minimal or no makeup, probably won’t be dressing real girly any time in the foreseeable future, and might even want to tag along on weekend rides when he’s out with his buddies. Maybe she’s a better mechanic than he is, rides in worse weather, knows more, or does something else that threatens his masculinity in some way. Single male motorcyclist remembers that his bike is a panty magnet and heads for local watering hole alone, meets hot girl who drives a car and is ok with riding pillion every week or two. Single female motorcyclist, meanwhile, gets numbers from a bunch of non-rider guys with nice abs but forgets to call them because she’s too busy riding.

        • Relda Mara Bernardes Costa

          hahahahaha!!!
          SOOOOO TRUE! A history of my life.

        • Gonfern

          Agree. I for one, want nothing to do with girls that ride, mostly because my time with my bike and my friends is my escape from daily stress (which if not caused by work, is caused by my relationship lol) I don’t need or want my girl to share my passion or expect her to understand it. The fact that she is willing to tolerate it, and give me space to enjoy myself is all I need. Further more, I love the fact that she doesnt even particularly enjoy riding pillion, she does it just to show her support for my passion. Its nice to take her out on a sunday afternoon once in a while but riding alone is much more fun.

          • meryle

            Many years ago, before I started riding, I was dating a hot army guy with a sportbike. He’d plunk me down on the back in a sweatshirt, gardening gloves, and a helmet 4 sizes too big, and split lanes at 120mph. I asked him once why he wasn’t dating one of the girls from his riding group instead, he said “Oh god no. I tried that once, it was horrible. I don’t want to date a girl like THAT.” At the time I had no idea what he meant. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn…… To be fair, I wouldn’t want to date someone who has all the same hobbies and obsessions as I do.

        • AJ

          Definitely tends to be the way things go – even if we DO clean up nicely, have a “grown up” job and a professional life, there’s this constant catch-22 – either the guy is threatened by the girl being better at x, y, z than he is (even if at first he seems okay with it, eventually it catches up) OR he gets jealous of the time she’s off doing the moto thing – which for some of us, is pretty much all the time :/ That, or on the rare occasion the guy isn’t the jealous type, then he’s the completely hands-off type who isn’t about to show support for the other person in any way, shape or form. The final kind of guy is the one that girls like myself will simply walk all over – and I’m not into that, either. But “stronger” guys are too easily threatened most of the time in my experience, or prefer to just find someone “easier.”

          I think I’ve experienced all of the above. Good thing I have my bikes.

          • Joe

            As a guy, I’ve seen too many great women endure just what you’ve outlined. Sadly, it seems to be universal across most intelligent women I know. Unfortunately, your experiences don’t seem too dissimilar to mine. At the end of the day, it’s all about finding the right balance, setting healthy boundaries, communicating in a healthy and respectful way and attacking the issues instead of each other.

            It’s a lot easier said that done, especially when a whole lot of emotions are thrown in the mix.

          • frankfan42

            AJ, it is hard to find someone who is secure in who they are and who you are. Strong people of both genders are worth the effort if you love something together. Best of luck to you pretty lady.

        • ninemacs

          Heck, I enjoy all that stuff about the lady with whom I ride. She can and does turn a wrench, she loves the riding (though I am more willing to ride in stupid weather) and she will lead or follow depending on whose neighborhood we are exploring.
          The fun part is watching the leather-wearing-hot-biker chick breaking the preppy boys’ hearts. :-)
          I think the 10 points are on the mark but may not apply to all bikers (just like most generalities).

          • mms

            Yes– fortunately none of these things are Universal Truths, but they are also accurate often enough to have become stereotypes. Also fortunately, most of the people to whom they apply are malleable and good-humoured enough that they don’t take missteps too roughly (usually) and more or less enjoy the journey to whatever point of emotional chaos, heavy drinking, and/or happy times it takes them this go-round ;) For myself, I’ve been thinking about getting some Powerizer Pros to commute on, instead of riding all the time. Then guys will think I’m much more normal! Uh…… yeeahhh…

        • susannaschick

          wow. story of my life, right there. except you forgot the ones who like a powerful woman and just want to be dominated. sigh. just cuz we ride doesn’t mean we want to wear the pants all the time.

  • Street Kore

    Speed dating for Bikers. Do you ride? No!? Too bad. Next!
    In the last 13 years every woman I had a serious relationship with rode a motorcycle of her own. It works so much better.

  • imprezive

    You must hang around different riders than me. Everyone who I know that rides is at least middle class and all clean shaven white collar guys. Not a Harley in the bunch either to pre-empt any comments.

  • MichaelEhrgott

    I’d happily ride shotgun any day. Driving just frustrates me as I keep trying to lane split with my Fiancee’s Camry.

    • Piglet2010

      I hate riding in a cage with a driver that pays less attention than I do.

      Best to just close one’s eyes and be relaxed when the inevitable collision occurs.

    • Justin McClintock

      If I’m in a car, chances are I’m either driving or asleep. I have no interest in being in ANY car, awake, and not in control.

    • ctrvl

      Pretty much this. My wife and I both ride our own motos, and we take turns driving “the family-mobile” (yes, we have a kid, yes he’s starting dirt riding at 7 yrs of age). Neither of us particularly likes driving the car [because lanesplitting]. So shotgun is more of a relaxing time that both of us actually enjoy because traffic in cars = stress.

  • Renato Valenzuela

    these are all terrible, hackneyed and caricatured. except for maybe number 5. must be a west coast thing.

  • jefflev

    #11. If you stick around long enough, your Xmas/Hannukah/Birthday/Valentines present will eventually be a used Ninja 250. And you will have to ride it. All Day.

    • Piglet2010

      I had to buy my used pre-gen Ninjette – there is no justice in this world!

    • susannaschick

      that happened to my sister in law! she inherited the Barbieceptor I kept at my brother’s for visits. And they’re still married happily ever after, each with their own Ducatis.

  • E Brown

    Clicking articles like this is why instead of ads for Revzilla I’m now seeing that chick from Glee touting Loreal and something about Cuddleduds(?), isn’t it?

  • Isambard

    Enough with the lazy listicles already!

    • Dennis Hightower

      Thank you old school HFL Isambard

  • Sybil

    As a female sport biker…1. I have a nice dress, 2. I have a bike AND a car, 3. I work most weekends, 4. I make a hundred g’s a year. Stereotype BUSTED!

  • Kimberly Poovey

    Married one ;) But he’s the best of all worlds, so I totally lucked out. (Plus, I look ballin’ in my pink helmet & jacket.)

  • http://www.RideApart.com/ Jen Degtjarewsky

    So here is the good news of the day… Just got off the phone with Heather and she’s writing a rebuttal. Look for it on the site on Monday.

    • Zamboni9

      Brilliant! And thanks for the 50 Shades of Grey amazon link in the article.

  • ThinkingInImages

    It doesn’t have to be motorcycles. I’m a photographer, too. There are times I’m just “not there”, and if I can’t “be there”, I’m going to hopelessly distracted until I “get there”. I have to work it through.

    Go for it, Heather. I’ve read your other articles and they were great.

  • Piglet2010

    Why are you wearing a snowmobile suit in the summer?

    • Michael Howard

      Aren’t you hot in that?

  • John Krause

    This article is so much less depressing than the real reasons why I’m single.

    • Khali

      This. hahaha

  • Wendi Round

    Can’t wait for the female version. By the way we can ride in wedges if we have to. We are more flexible then the guys.

  • Joe Thrower

    Thanks, now it will be even harder for me to find a girlfriend

  • 1destroyed_student1

    I once had a guy tell me that it was “great” that I liked to ride street, but that he wasn’t sure if he “loved” that I rode dirt, since that was how he usually got his “away time”. I broke it off immediately and went dirt bike camping with the guys. Good times.

  • William Connor

    So I am definitely 1, 3, 6, and 10, but definitely not 4 and 5. I just leave earlier knowing I will end up taking a longer ride than intended to get somewhere and I have a decent job. My current wife gets it.

  • Guilherme Bernard de Paula

    Maybe a little exaggerated but definitely one of the texts I have enjoyed the most.

  • TFR

    This is stupid and stereotypical, and manages to be offensive to bikers and women- like the idiot who always calls bikers ‘crazy’ and asks if you have a death wish…
    I think the person who wrote this is either a serious noob, or not a rider at all

    • Jonny Langston

      It’s just satire. Relax, buddy. If anyone’s truly offended, they’re taking it too seriously

  • Flea

    As a woman who hasn’t owned a car since 2005 and lives on her motorcycle, I find some of the items on the list a tad niggly. Boogers? And scars, really? These are why we don’t date out of our species. Bikers date Bikers, period. It’s easier than trying to explain/adapt to a lifestyle another would have no way of grasping. One good point was that we’re always gone. This is true. Best way to handle that is to get your own bike and share a lane. Life on the road will broaden your horizons and is a wonderful adventure to share.

  • Jim Hollinrake

    This is actually the ten reasons you shouldn’t date a motorcycle poseur.

  • The Mrs

    I am a bit annoyed by this articles stereotypes. On the flip side if someone reads this and says they couldn’t accept any of these even for a short time BYE! My husband loves the fact that I like to ride and have my own bike and endorsement. I have talked about selling it and giving up motos because of drama in the small community we are in, but he doesn’t want me too. He actually wants to get me a bigger bike. I would say on the ladies side we always have helmet hair, my makeup will rub or sweat off, I will most likely be sweaty, dirty, and smell like exhaust, I will always be in my riding boots which aren’t sexy, t-shirts and jeans is probably as good as it’s going to get, and I will go pee in the bushes if I need to.

  • Kay

    This list sounds more like “10 Excuses I Can Never Date a Decent Woman”
    Boogers. Dude, boogers. Really???

  • RideaTart

    Like many of the women I’ve been with, my wife at first thought my motorcycle habit was sexy and glamorous (not to mention practical). Now, she’d probably give her left ear for me to quit, while I’m thinking about how long before I can sit my 1-yr old son on the back. But we’re happy!

  • andr01dm

    If you’re gift shopping for a motorcyclist partner, you’ll have to learn your gear and farkles to have any hope of buying them something they’ll really love.

  • andanotherthing

    “”if you’re willing to ride pillion”" RIDE PILLION?? REALLY? I have to wonder. Have you EVER been on a bike? I mean besides those with pedals? You lack of true insight into the motorcycle realm is extremely evident by your stereotypical views. Here’s a thought, BEFORE you write another article try going out and experiencing life on a bike. Your eyes just MIGHT be opened. Amazingly enough not ALL of us are broken down bums worrying about where our next tank of gas will come from.

    • Jonny Langston

      Dude. Lighten the f-k up. Would you have preferred if I’d I written “ride bitch”?
      Christ.
      This piece was supposed to be funny. If you don’t think so, fine – move on.

      • andanotherthing

        Quite obviously people don’t find it all THAT amusing do they? Your poor attempt at “comedy” comes across as nothing more than a slam at an entire group of people. The SAME people that, obviously, you have absolutely NO CLUE what they are about.

  • meryle

    Hahahaha that reminds me of when a buddy of mine was trying to set me up on a blind date with his friend. He told the guy, “She’s got 5 bikes and no car, makes her own boots, works as an engineer, can fix almost anything” and the guy replies “Oh. So why does she need a man?”

    • Jessica Dally

      Exactly… a guy that thinks a women needs him to be a mechanic isn’t a guy you want to date. You can hire out for that. A partner had better have more to offer than your local repair shop!

      • frankfan42

        One od the advantages of being a little older is that things like that don’t threaten your self image. You know who you are-and can accept who the other is.

  • The_Blackest_Cobra

    A tip for my fellow motorcycle riding gentleman callers.

    If you find yourself courting a sassy lass willing to ride pillion and subject herself to smeared makeup, matted hair, potential weeks/months/years of 24/7 conversation about motorcycles and you craning your neck to identify every motorcycle that goes by with subsequent explanation of what you or don’t like about it, rider, etc., do not, I repeat do not adjust rear shock preload before a ride in front of her.

    A curious question of what are you doing leads to why do you need to stiffen the rear suspension? As you delight in her interest into the technical details of chassis geometry and explain in detail that the extra weight of a passenger increases rake and trail leading to ponderous flopping into corners and high speed weave, she’ll be glowering while numbly rubbing her real or phantom muffin top assuming you think she is a land whale. The effect of perceived self esteem crushing insult and deep seated resentment is inversely proportional to current length of courtship.

    This damage is exacerbated if your bike is not equipped with remote hydraulic preload adjustment and you get on your hands and knees with a spanner wrench spending several minutes fumbling around to crank up the spring preload collar.

    Note, once married this becomes a peccadillo that can be escalated to obtain an intimate make up encounter.

  • Jace37

    Ok wow, as a motorcyclist I expected a good chuckle from some of the items on this list, but not even one thing on this list was correct. The booger thing was close, and the talking about bikes thing was closer, but everything else was so incorrect as to leave one wondering if the author has even seen a motorcycle, let alone met a biker in person. Or perhaps the only bikers she does know are a couple derelict, irresponsible examples that affected her entire perception. Kind of like filling a glass full of ocean water, finding no fish, then assuming there are no fish in the ocean. Try again, please.

  • Scooter Tramp

    You stick with your brooks brothers suit & designer noose ….. I’ll stick with brotherhood, loyalty and REAL friends that are there for you no matter what.

  • Jonny Langston

    So I can address my shortcomings:
    Exactly what about this piece led people to believe I was writing a serious bit? Was it the light, playful nature? The hypersimplified stereotypes?? The obviously fake phone number for Siler???
    The repeated use of the word “booger’?

    Trying to figure out what could making anyone think I was being anything but comedic here. Perhaps I shoulda used more emoticons …. ;)

  • Jonny Langston

    Wow, some of you sure took this nonsense seriously … i knew I shoulda used more emoticons.
    ;)

    • http://RideApart.com/ Wes Siler

      Emoticons are the key to good writing.

  • Kosta Chachanidze

    :D :D :D :D applies everything to me. except of scars and laxatives or whatever, never had a big crash yet.
    as for my bike making me not dateable…. weeeell it´s a virago xv 535, not especially beautiful, not really sexy, not a great performing old piece of metal and wheels which brakes down pretty frequently, has to be pushed around and is terrible for dating. hat a few times when it broke down having a girl passenger, uh, was so ashamed :D :D :D and oh, the passenger footpegs are missing since my last crash (ok, not for long anymore, but still)

  • atomicalex

    I once wrote about why dating car chicks was a bad idea, so many of the same reasons. Trade scars for MY OWN TOOLS, GOD HELP YOU IF YOU TOUCH THEM, and, uh, yeah.

  • BeerKeg

    I know this is meant to be satirical but it’s all true.

  • frankfan42

    As an RN for the last twenty five years I have one suggestion if you do date a woman and anticipate a need for a suppository helper. Find a woman with short nails. LOL

  • Benjamin Lindemuth-Mcrobie

    Not sure what the fuss is, this article has me pegged.

  • Teddy Vargas

    I am a motorcyclist and I find these article totally incorrect about most motorcyclist. The things people come up with these days…

  • http://www.KendrickKirk.com Kendrick Kirk

    Man, I guess somewhere along the way I lost my status as a biker. I think I like it better this way, though!

  • Ellam Dennis Fox

    BS.

  • artist_formally_known_as_cWj

    Dear readers/riders of the XX persuasion,

    Please make yourselves as evident on other stories on this site & and other motorcycling websites as you have on this one.

    Some of us have been wondering where you are.