Me, A Motorcycle, And A Bajillion Dollar Jackpot



Me, a Motorcycle, and a Bajillion Dollar Jackpot

Despite the fact that I forgot to buy the winning MegaMillions Lottery ticket before leaving town last week, the hours I spent on trains, planes and automobiles gave me plenty of time to think about what I’d do with the loot if I won. Sure, the usual sensible stuff would come first: pay off bills, pay off the parents’ bills, etc., but winning that kind of jackpot, roughly a bajillion dollars before taxes, offers fertile ground for the imagination of anyone staring out across the clouds at 30,000 feet. Especially if you’re into motorcycles.

First thing I’d buy is more. Heather’s Law of Varietal Moto Motion states that no one motorcycle can satisfy the needs of any motorcyclist with the financial ability to diversify. I.e., one is not enough. You don’t want to go tempting the laws of physics any more than you already do, right? Now that I’m loaded (in my fantasy), I want an MV Agusta F3 675 Serie Oro (about $30,000, if I can find one), hands-down the most beautiful production motorcycle ever. I’ll need this for twisty rides on sunny days. Also to return RedBox movies at Walgreens.

MV Agusta F3 675 Serie Oro
MV Agusta F3 675 Serie Oro

Road Work
Of course, I’ll have to have the mile of dirt road to my house paved. I have no idea how much that will cost, but even if it’s a lot, a bajillion minus a lot is still a bajillion.

Dirt road
Dirt road

Photo by dvs

Meet MV Agusta CEO Giovanni Castiglioni
No doubt the paparazzi will be following me by helicopter, what with me being a bajillionaire and all. MV Agusta CEO Giovanni Castiglioni, hands-down the most beautiful man known to production motorcycles, will want to show me personally what it can do. It’ll be good PR.

MV Agusta CEO Giovanni Castiglioni
MV Agusta CEO Giovanni Castiglioni

We can ride from the factory in Milan up to Lake Como to have lunch with George Clooney so I can ask him about that satellite of his. I want one to track epic rides across the globe because I’m sick of getting messed about by Google Maps. According to an article in Wired Magazine, you can get (and launch) one of these babies for about eight grand. And according to a buyer interviewed by Wired:

“$8,000? That’s just the price of a cool midlife crisis. You could buy a motorcycle or you could launch a satellite. What would you rather do?”

Yes; somebody actually said that. Guess you know how I’d answer.

The Right Adventure Bike
Since I’ll have the world’s coolest piece of equipment for adventure-touring, I’ll definitely want the right bike: a brand new BMW R 1200 GS (with the low seat option, for sure). I’ll also want waterproof hardbags (to keep my jammies dry when splashing across rivers), a full tinted wind-screen (to deflect sand in the Gobi desert), and heated grips (why push the boundaries of human existence with frozen fingers?). That will run me about twenty-five large.

BMW R 1200 GS
BMW R 1200 GS

Ride The Globe
I don’t know where else I’d go just yet, but anywhere-I-please is definitely on the list. As is that GP fantasy tour I’ve been dreaming of, where I fly into Nice, pick up a Ducati Monster 796 at the airport, ride up through the lavender scented South of France, North to LeMans, where I’ll watch the French Grand Prix, then head back down to Monaco for the Formula One Grand race the next weekend – from my yacht in the harbor, of course.

Ducati Monster 796
Ducati Monster 796

Photo by Susanna Cesareo

Charity Work
After all this travel, I’ll want to do something real, like start that non-profit I’ve always dreamed of: The RevGirl Academy; a week-long camp for women in need that focuses on motorcycle riding, self-defense, self-reliance, and self-esteem. I’ll need a fleet of Honda CBR250Rs, perhaps the most confidence-inspiring motorcycle on the road right now, and a support staff, including MSF instructors, a mechanic, Navy seals (to teach the self-defense stuff), a chef, and someone to design the t-shirts that say “RevGirl Grad. Go ahead, make my day”.

Honda CBR250Rs
Honda CBR250Rs

Right about now I’m told to make sure my seatback and tray table are in their full upright and locked positions, and so my fantasy moto-spending spree is over. There are infinite ways to spend lottery dollars. Now that you’re thinking about it, if you are the lucky bloke who wins the next big one, how will you spend it?

  • Chris La Rose

    RevGirl Academy sounds much better than my fantasy non-profit Hacks for Hounds which would provide Make-A-Wish-style last rides for dogs with terminal illnesses in a sidehack :)

    • zion

      Hacks for Hounds??!!!??!! I’d back that!
      I’d back RevGirl Academy, too! (The MSF instructor in me, digs that idea.)

  • Kemal Kautsar

    my inner asian tells me to invest of Honda share and Audi AG 25% of their share each and buy my own country somewhere in Pacific and make a racetrack and a tourism resort. automatically making bajillion dollar into bajillion dollar ^2

    (undisclosed : selling small arms and oil)

    pic related

  • Mariofz1

    I would find you and ask to be my girlfriend….girls like you are scarce…I want to ride all the mountains of the world !

  • runnermatt

    Qualifier: I rant for a bit in this post and then state what I would do with the money.

    People don’t put much thought into what to do with lottery winnings and then once they win they don’t have a plan. That is why they blow the money in 2 – 3 years and are more broke than they were before they had it, aka they lottery curse. I read one story about it where the winners won $100+ million, four years later they had lost their house, cars, had no money left, he was in jail for fraud and she was awaiting trial for the same thing. When one of the big lotteries (Powerball or MegaMillions) first got over $500 million I was watching a video on a news website where they were asking people on the sidewalk what they would do with the money if they won. One women who appeared to be in he mid-twenties said she would “pay off her Mom’s mortgage and put the rest in the bank.” I was like really, just put it in the bank, she isn’t able to comprehend just how much money this is. I think that is a problem most people have, they have never had a significant amount of cash, just debt, and because of that they don’t have any idea of what to do with money once they do have it.

    The last amount I saw for this past MegaMillions super jackpot was $550 million with a lump sum payout of about $360 million before taxes. I’ll type that out. $360,000,000 dollars.

    Now, for what I would do if I won. First, pay off all my debt. (obviously, no sense wasting money on interest for the banks.) Second, pay off off the debt of my family and friends. Third, give my parents about a $200k. That would cost a rough estimate of about $750,000, leaving me with $360,525,000 (I don’t feel like doing the after tax calculations). So, what next. Fourth, a nice long vacation going to see all the things I have wanted to see since I was a kid and things I have learned about since; the grand canyon, the giant redwoods, Mount Rushmore, Crater Lake, Glacier National Park, the Alamo, The Empire State building and Statue of Liberty, a good long tour of all the parks, monuments, and museums locations around DC, The Pyramids of Egypt, The Parthenon in Greece, The Leaning Tower of Pisa, The Eiffel Tower, The Great Wall of China, Easter Island, Hawaii, and more that I am not presently thinking of. Let’s say that takes two years and costs $2 mil, leaving me with $358,525,000. During that time my house and garage would be built, lets say $5 mil, leaving me with $353,525,000.

    Then my car collection (I’m a car nut first), Mclaren MP4-12C, Lexus LFA, Mosler MT900, Acura NSX (1st Gen), Ferrari 308/328, Porsche 911 GT3, Audi R8 (V8), R35 Nissan Skyline GT-R, Local Motors Rally Fighter, Factory Five Racing (FFR) Mk4 Roadster, FFR `65 Coupe, FFR GTM, FFR 818, Caterham Super 7 CSR, Ariel Atom, Diesel Ram 2500 w/ manual trans, Jeep Wrangler Rubicon, Subaru BRZ, Subaru WRX/STi, Mazda RX-7 FD3S, Lotus Elan (Original), Honda S2000 (w/ 2.0L engine), Mazda Miata, Porsche Cayman, Air-cooled rear engined VW Beetle, Air-cooled Porsche 911, E36 BMW M3, Lamborghini Gallardo, Land Rover Range Rover Sport, Aston Martin V12 Vantage, Acura Integra GSR or Type-R, Lotus Elise/Exige, Lotus Evora, Tesla Roadster or Model S, Ford Mustang Boss 302 Laguna Seca, Ford Raptor (6.2L engine), Chevy Corvair (without swing-axle rear suspension). Cost $3 million

    Bike Collection: Mission RS, Ducati Monster 696 20th Anniversary Colors, Ducati Hyperstrada, Kawasaki KLR 650 “New Edition”, MV Agusta F3 675, Triumph Tiger 800XC, Yamaha Super Tenere, Honda CB1100, Honda NC700X, CBR500R, KTM RC390, KTM 1190 Adventure R, Moto Guzzi V7, Triumph Scrambler, Suzuki V-strom 650 ABS, Kawasaki Versys ABS, Honda Grom, MOTUS MST V4, Royal Enfield C5 Military (tan paint), Honda RC51, Suzuki RE5. I don’t know enough about old bikes to know which ones would be desirable to me. I know Vincent and Brough Superior are collector items, but are still supposed to be good to ride. Cost $500k?

    I would still have $350,000,000 left…

    Start my own businesses, yes that is plural because I have several ideas. Motorcycle Cafe with attached parts/gear store (you could have the parts installed on your bike while you eat, location is the key). A manufacturing company using 3D printers/scanners and other equipment to make parts that are no longer in production. There are other ideas, but most would be off topic on a motorcycle website. A business with low overhead costs can be operated for a long time in the red with $350 million available.

    That is all, I apologize if it is too long.

    • TechGuy5489

      Starting businesses is another one of those quick and easy ways people who come into money tend to lose it. As is picking up a whole boatload of liabilities like dozens of expensive cars and motorcycles.

      I’d buy myself a nice house and that’d be it for the initial spending. After that’s done and my immediate family is set up I’d toss the rest into a trust, conservatively invested, and pay myself a percentage of the annual growth. I’d have a guaranteed six figure income taxed at the capital gains rate and it’d easily be more money than I could hope to spend. Anything else I want to do would have to be financed using this “salary”.

      • runnermatt

        Most of the cars on my list can be found for less than $30k. Valid points though. A good business plan that is well executed is essential. As for sticking the money in a trust fund and sitting on it you are assuming one won’t get bored. Starting and growing a business fulfills a need most don’t realize they have until they no longer have to work for living, I expect to have to work for many years more before I have the means to start my own business.

  • Rameses the 2nd

    You will find love of your life within 2 days of winning lottery. Guaranteed!

    • akrokdesign

      hahaha. bingo!

    • Davidabl2

      Many lottery winners end up bankrupt within two to three years. Seeing this pic, I can guess one of the many reasons why.

  • Rowtag

    damned Italians! lol

  • E Brown

    I’ve got an affliction when it comes to vehicles – it started when I first dreamt of pairing my 1980s Honda Prelude with a Hawk GT. Unlimited funds would have me searching for the ultimate car/bike combo – Triumph TR6 and Bonneville? BMW 3.0CS and R90s? Honda S2000 and CBR600RR? Suzuki Samurai and DR250?

    • HammSammich

      Moto Guzzi Griso and a Fiat 500 Abarth? They’re both Italians (sort of)… ;)

  • Jack Meoph

    50% of the money goes to the family; starting with brothers and sisters, down to the niece’s and nephew’s. 50% of the 50% that’s left will go to a combined household account (investments, modest new home, and living expenses for what little remains of my life). Then, the last 25% is split between my wife and I for our personal accounts. This is the part where I buy an Audi R8 and use it as a daily driver. I travel Japan and wander around the country for a couple of years, doing whatever, whenever. I return to the US and nap.

    • appliance5000

      I think I’ll do the same thing – sounds good.

  • ookla_the_mok

    Fun article. I’d throw in an ecosse … those bikes are beautiful….
    Also agree about the mv 675 serie oro: Best looking bike ever.

  • mms

    Give a bunch to charity of course, and set up a trust fund so i can’t bankrupt myself. Then buy a Confederate Hellcat and an Ariel Square 4– and most importantly a used KTM Adventure 690, which I will subsequently ride across Europe and Asia to Mongolia and then trade for a camel. Also would get a small one or two person submarine, a house with a big garage and a lake for the submarine and a really massive backyard, some llamas, teach my cat how to ride a llama, have the llama-riding cat as the half-time show for banked-track dirt bike polo games (cough NOT “Rollerball” [or "Knightriders"] cough) which would be so freakin awesome and everyone would come and they would perpetuate themselves on beer sales alone long after i am gone, and then settle down into a life of pleasant chaos.

    • gregory

      But in dirt bike polo, you’d have to swing the mallet with your left hand, since the right hand controls the throttle. Most of us are righties. We wouldn’t be able to aim with our left hand. Maybe dirt bike polo bikes would have the throttle on the left? I can steer all right with only my left, though, of course, better with only my right. Maybe the left hand mallet wouldn’t be that much of a deterrent. I’ll let you know.

      • mms

        Well I’m left handed but that’s a good point… if there were a mix of left and right side drive bikes, the banked track would be tricky because you’d have people who want to go clockwise and people who want to go counterclockwise. This is sounding better and better!

  • appliance5000

    Don’t pave the road it’s a very nice looking road. You are rich – build a heated garage at the end and put your MV in it and ride the BMW from your house to the shed. Two things are accomplished – you’ll have a very nice shed, and the BMW will get more off road miles than 90% of them ever do. Win win

    • Heather McCoy

      Ha! THIS is my road, and about the only strait part (it curves, it’s hilly, it’s crawlin’ with hillbillies in SUVs) Bad enough I take the Ducati up and down the thing, and a real bitch when someone out-of-the blue decides it’s time to drag it, surprising me with 8″-deep turrets of soft, mushy, powdered granite, usually on my way home from work and/or whenever there’s no one around to rescue me with a trailer. And if it rains, fuggedabowdit… Paving that bad boy (it’s a mile long) is the FIRST thing I do! Moving on up to a giant, swanky, urban loft with a six-car garage (filled with motorcycles and a Ferrari is the second.

      • appliance5000

        Wow – beautiful – really beautiful. I’ll shut up now – except for saying with billions a Ferrari seems pedestrian- at that point only a Pagani Huayra will do.

  • Kosta Chachanidze

    bajillion crackes me up :D :D :D

  • FastPatrick

    A somewhat contrarian attitude: I don’t want the monster jackpot. Knock a good few zeroes off. A hundred thousand in the bank would be some kind of profound comfort and joy: pay off my student loans and assorted annoying debts, make sure Mom’s covered and okay, pick up a few sets of enjoyable wheels (Alfa 1750 GTV, one of the new KTM RC390s, Jeep), take some time to find a better job. A million or two? A secure, modestly-sized, serene place to live; high-grade professional attention on the fitness and health situations; maybe a season of amateur racing with some serious intent.

    I’d actually like that more than the kind of alternate-reality situation that would happen with half a billion dollars. I don’t even know where I’d start in that kind of situation.

  • Davidabl2

    Instead of winning a bazillion bucks, I’d rather invent something that had the same effect (like the next velcro, or some killer app like Facebook)
    And maybe end world hunger or something along with buying some bikes and some art. And some palatial estates.

  • FastPatrick

    Second point: Thinking about motorcycles in the context of a megadollar situation is kind of incongruent. Part of the appeal of bikes from the beginning a hundred and twenty-some years ago has been their tendency to stay well within the realm of financial reality, especially compared to automobiles. Really excellent machines are available for well under ten thousand dollars, and the best bikes in the world are less than the average car. Even something as outlandish as a Ducati 1199 Superleggera will cost less than the well-optioned Mercedes sedan one sees on a pretty everyday basis in many places. Bikes are great in part because you don’t need cubic yards of cash to enjoy them. A comfortable money situation never hurts, but it’s hardly a standing prerequisite.

    Yeah, if my numbers came up I’d be making some local dealer a happy person pretty quickly. But I’d like to do that regardless.

  • lupin

    This is what I think the natural progression of winning that bajilion jackpot. It’s time to enjoy your new life, you get yourself that Italian monster machine you always wanted. You are kind enough to buy one for each of your buddies, however you find you no longer able to keep up with your friends. Every time there is a head shake, it send a chill down your spine. You worry your luck is about running out since you have a lot to live with now. You then shelf your old Honda and get yourself a couple of supercars. Too bad the Lambo just isn’t the same, you move on to add a bimbo as accessory, still it doesn’t feel right. Now the only adrenaline rush and riding you do is in the bed room. So one night you wake up on a pool of your own vomit and baby’s crying, the mother is no where to be found. Oh right, she left with more than half of your winning. Now you stare at the old honda in the living room and think you will give up all that to get your freedom and self back.

  • Justin McClintock

    I’d build something to break records out at Bonneville with. Two wheels of course.