5 Worst Biker Movies

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5 worst biker movies

We all know the classics: Easyrider, the Wild One and On Any Sunday (which replaced holiday movies at Christmas time for my family), but what about the ones your non-riding friends ask you about? The ones that make you cringe when you hear the dialogue or that make silly mistakes like show the clutch lever on the wrong side?

This list excludes the B-movies and ‘70s grindhouse flicks that might fall into another level of terrible that actually make them enjoyable. We focused on the mainstream, big-budget movies that let Hollywood make a mockery of the motorcycle world. This is our list of five of the worst biker movies ever.

5 worst biker movies Biker Boyz

5. Biker Boyz

Similar to Fast and the Furious for bikes, but with a lack of cool vehicles, cult following, and endless sequels. Biker Boyz is ranked fifth, because we always have high hopes when it comes on TV late at night. Great cinematography with a decent Southern California sound track that makes for enjoyable moments, but then again, those are the parts when no one is talking.

It’s a movie filled with semi-appealing pieces and a plot that could have been salvaged. A young man whose father died and who tries to make his name in the street racing scene is a decent enough story, but none of those things could have overcome the cringe-worthy dialogue and fabricated drama. Rarely do movies capture what it’s really like to race or ride, a Biker Boyz continued the trend by concentrating on forced drama in order to appeal to the general public who doesn’t know a piston from a sprocket. The flat lines and silliness easily overpower the plot and cinematography. For that disappointment of yet another big-budget flop in motorcycle movies we start the list of the top 5 worst motorcycle movies of all time with Biker Boyz. 

Replace an “S” with a “Z” in the title? Who could have guessed this movie wasn’t going to be a classic?

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5 Worst Biker Movies Harley Davidson Marlboro Man

4. Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man 

Great actors with ridiculous dialogue and plot and you have another painful motorcycle film. It’s less of a motorcycle movie and more about two guys who happen to ride motorcycles. Harley-Davison and the Marlboro man reach another level where the movie does actually become enjoyable as a campy, over-the-top action movie.

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man plays homage to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, with its only saving grace being the relationship between the two main characters, Harley-Davidson and Marlboro—yep, the character’s real names. It’s a messy plot where they try to save an old hang-out bar by robbing an armored car, which turns out to be filled with drugs and then Tom Sizemore and Daniel Baldwin try to kill them and their friends, but spoiler alert! Harley and the Marlboro Man team up to save the day. Bad acting from good actors with ‘80s’ action and little continuity is usually a recipe for success, but it’s listening to Mickey Rourke recite his lines painfully slowly that make it one of our least favorite biker movies.

Rourke left acting and went back to boxing shortly after this movie saying he lost respect for himself as an actor. The movie cost around $23 million to make, a pittance by today’s standards, yet still only pulled in $7 million at the box office.

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5 Worst Biker Movies Ghost-Rider

3. Ghost Rider

Based the classic comic book that I grew up reading, Ghost Rider was another movie with potential that quickly succumbed to bad acting, plot, and dialogue… and stunts, directing, and pretty much everything else.

Based on the Johnny Blaze story line of Ghost Rider, the most commonly chosen story, as multiple characters were forced to don the flaming skull through the comic book series. The 2007 movie followed Blaze as he sells his soul to a Devil and then turns into a demon with a flaming skull. An anti-hero, Ghost Rider would come to life when surrounded by evil, at night, or when he smelled the dropping of innocent blood, forcing the pain of innocent suffering to whatever evil inflicted it.

The comic character is a deep, troubled, and complicated guy that blurs the line between good and evil, doing a little bit of both himself. However, the movie Johnny Blaze was a cheesy guy who haphazardly discovers he can turn into ghost rider and doesn’t come close to capturing the deep, antihero of the comic book. Put that around a subpar plot and forced, bad Southern accents and you have another bad biker movie.

Normally we are tired of seeing Peter Fonda-cameos in every movie that has even a smell of motorcycle in it, but he was the only saving grace in this movie, playing the devil that commissions the Ghost Rider.

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5 Worst Biker Movies Torque

2. Torque 

With a director known for Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys videos, who would have guessed that Joseph Kahn’s first full-length film about biker gangs would have been a train wreck–pun intended. With outlandish stunts like racing on top of a train and back flipping a jet-powered street bike over a roll-back truck, this is a case of cheesy, unbearable action backed by equally bad dialogue, plot, and characters. It’s a trifecta of crappiness, with no disappointment of missing out on any great potential. If you take all of the bad features of every movie listed and make one movie with it, you’d have Torque.

My favorite line was not in the movie, but rather featured in HBO’s Entourage, a TV show about the behind-the-scenes culture of actors in Hollywood, when the main character Vince bumps into Torque actor Jaime Pressly. After hearing her complain of a lack of work he replies: “there’s always a Torque 2.”

Did you know Dane Cook was in Torque? In his entire one-earring, pop-collar, ‘90s glory.

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5 Worst Biker Movies Hell Ride

1. Hell Ride

Bikes, Babes and Blood! An homage to ‘70s B-movie biker flicks, it was written, starred, and directed by Joey Bishop who often played a dirty biker in ‘70s cinema. He fell off in the ‘80s and bounced by with several cult-classic ’90s movies that he again wrote and starred in. For Hell Ride he was backed by Tarantino, who had limited involvement, and it was decent attempt at making a movie that you wrote, directed, and starred in. Where it falls on its face is with more constant over-the-top cliché biker action with a plot that kind of goes nowhere. Despite the bad result of a movie, it does have a cult following who embrace the grindhouse campiness.

With characters’ names like The Gent and Ape-Shit, it’s hard to wonder what went wrong? And it has yet another cameo by the late and great Dennis Hopper in a less than great movie.

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This is our subjective list of five of the worst biker movies ever. What would you add?

  • Lee Scuppers

    It’s strange to think that there could be a worse movie than Easy Rider, but I’ll take your word for it.

  • Sloan Essman

    I love torque for the LMAO antics and action. I mean, haven’t you guys ever ridden a sport bike through the desert and/or on the street at triple digits and talked to the guy beside you over the wind noise?! Plus, who doesn’t like seeing Dane Cook get beaten up? LOL

    • http://bloodsweatandgasoline.wordpress.com tad diemer

      I agree: Torque is a TERRIBLE movie, but makes me laugh, just like the FF movies do. I especially love the scene where Ice Cube and his crew are ripping along, checking their map, while oncoming traffic swerves around them. Also: “bike-fu.” Definitely “so bad it’s good.”

  • augustdaysong

    You watched Easy Rider with your family? Did you guys have to stop half way through?

  • augustdaysong

    also, Cool As Ice

    • Heath Collins

      Seriously, how did that movie miss this list? It was the first thing that popped into my mind when I read the headline.

      • Geist

        That one sucked so bad it could not even make this list. Its not even really a movie just a waste of film.

        • Heath Collins

          Damn, dude, your heart is… cool as ice…

    • slampe

      Cool As Ice hands down. It’s so bad that I can’t look away when I watch it, if that makes any sense. Even the catch line is cheesy: “When a girl has a heart of stone, there’s only one way to melt it…Just add Ice.” Yeaaaaaah!

      • ctrvl

        Definitely Cool as Ice. Besides being a terribad movie it was so bad it was awesome. And those classic ’80s sportbikes…drool.

  • Jeremy

    My folks were old-school bikers, and I’m an 80′s kid, so Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man is part of my childhood as much as Masters Of the Universe and goin to “church” (club meetings). As campy as all the movies on this list are, I’ve seen most of them, and actually enjoyed their over-the-top action replacing good acting techniques. I guess I’m just a sucker for cheesy biker movies.

  • Seymo t

    So a movie about drug traffickers using motorcycles as mules, which made everyone think motorcycling was a drug front, is in your eyes a “real motorcycling movie,” yet a movie satire of a mountain dew-outlaw biker chick wheelie fighting a pepsi power ranger, is, to you, unredeemable hollywood trash.

    Youre not the sharpest bulb in the banana drawer, are you?

  • Peter Negru

    omg torque…what a bad movie.

    sure, lets have 90lb women tossing aorund 500lb like its a cornflake. no problems what so ever

  • Chase
  • JOE

    Looks like the chick in the cover pick has inadvertently deployed her airbag suit.

    I guess there really is ZERO news in the motorcycle world.

  • karlInSanDiego

    Joey Bishop was his dad. It’s Larry Bishop

    • Michael Howard

      His name is even on the pic of the movie poster.

  • Jack Meoph

    I have yet to see a decent movie involving motorcycles as a main thematic element, except Time Rider ( and even Time Rider had the cliche of twist the throttle ONE MORE TIME, over and over). Some movies use MC’s well, like Captain America, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Chrystal Skull, James Bond flicks, and a few others, that let the MC work in the chase/action scenes to move the movie along and not appear overly ridiculous. I liked Ghost Rider btw. I liked it more than On Any Given Sunday, which is boring.

  • karlInSanDiego

    You missed Warewolves on Wheels, which just happens to be on YouTube in full length (for a limited time, until Google can learn how to stop people from posting full length movies they don’t own the rights to)!

  • Loren Andrews

    To be honest I really want to go see these movies now.

  • http://www.2wheelsandamotor.com William Connor

    Got to admit to liking every one of these terrible movies.

  • Ole Classen

    Now I want to know what the 5 best biker movies are.

  • Paolo

    You missed Stone Cold (good chase scenes though), Easy Rider: The Ride Back (yes, there’s a “sequel” to the original stoner film), Beyond the Law (Charlie Sheen…’nuff said…ain’t that bad though) among many others…

    Good motorcycle movies are hard to find…and I’ve seen a million of them. Can you guys write a column with some recommendations? (One Week, The World’s Fastest Indian…IMO)

  • Vladimir Šor

    My top of the most ridiculous bike movies:
    ‘I bought a vampire motorcycle’: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097550/
    ‘Murdercycle’: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0188925/

  • TLars

    Soooo bad and boring that I couldn’t stop watching it when it was on tv at three in the morning, but I’m a sucker for crappy 80s movies.

  • Chris La Rose

    Happy to say that I own 4 out of 5 of these :)

    Also, you missed this one: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082622/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_80

    Made by the same guy that did the original Night of the Living Dead

  • zion

    Haven’t seen one of ‘em. But, I’m a sucker for Jaime Pressly, so maybe I’ll lose 90 minutes of my brain and watch Torque.

  • kiefer printy

    i think you mean larry bishop not joey bishop

  • frankiejr

    Oh man, Torque. Seriously, if you want your motorcycle-related movies to be serious don’t ever watch this thing. On the other hand, if you watch it knowing what you’re getting into it’s a great movie. It was never meant to be serious — it was a parody of movies like The Fast and the Furious. If you can get your hands on a DVD version, watch it a second time with the actor commentary playing. You can tell they had so much fun making that film and even rip on each other for “trying to act” in certain scenes. Priceless.

  • Bryan Woody Wood

    DIG DEEPER. At most this is the 5 worst American biker films made in the past 30 years. I urge all of you to check out Dhoom! and Dhoom 2! on Netflix – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abIcxK4Dwfk

    • James Jamerson

      Dhoom was great, Thanks for letting my know they made a sequel!

    • Gerard Antony John

      dont even mention dhoom 3 :’(

  • http://pinkyracer.com susannaschick

    oooh, I loved Torque and Biker Boyz, so I gotta check out the Tarantino flick for sure.

  • Dave Blanchard

    If you are in the mood for a real crapfest (although I admit that I really love this movie) check out Ed Harris in “Knightriders” http://youtu.be/Rz9OdHOn0hc.
    the movie is stupid, but that CBX inline 6 is extremely cool

  • pahammer

    …and Cyclone doesn’t make the list???