Pirates vs. Power Rangers: A Guide To Dressing Up Like a Real Biker

Pirate or Power Ranger?

Power Ranger

Bike: You still have your first bike, a Honda CBR1000RR, but want to switch to an R1 because it has .001% more power and Valentino Rossi rides a Yamaha now. Any GSX-RZX100000XXR will do. Scuffed plastic from when you dropped it leaving the dealer and the cheapest exhaust eBay said would fit.

Helmet: A Rossi-replica you picked up cheap at Laguna last year. Sure it's the paint scheme from three years ago, but that's a real signature on it, right?

Eyewear: Purple iridium visor to match your windscreen.

Facial Expression: Ohhhhhhhh, noooooooooo. Mouth open because the helmet's cheekpads squeeze too tight.

Facial hair: You can grow facial hair?! If so, look to George Michael for inspiration.

Necklace: Puka shells.

Body wear: Rossi-rep leathers that are skin tight everywhere, except in the bum, where they sag so low it looks like you shat yourself. Tip: geometric padding over the belly is slimming.

Kneesliders: Ground in on your neighbor's belt sander. Make sure you sand from the correct angle so it doesn't look like you ride backwards.

Footwear: Rossi-rep boots purchased from eBay at the same time as your leathers, two sizes too large since you didn't know your Italian shoe size.

Tattoos: Your business fraternity's Greek letters or the Chinese symbol for "fashion victim" on your left ankle.

Chick: Like your girlfriend is going to trust you with the Pekinese.

Did we leave anything out?

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