Lead photo by Kevin Cox
Wednesday’s article, 10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date a Motorcyclist caused quite a reaction, not just because of the suppository laxatives and not least from readers who disagreed. So, we thought we’d examine the topic from a different perspective. Would you believe we found an actual woman who rides motorcycles to write this one? — Ed.
I got a chuckle from last week’s “Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date a Motorcyclist”. But something in the satire made me feel...I don’t know…guilty for laughing. I mean, if you re-read the thing (and I think you should), you’ll see this is clearly a cry for help. First of all, the author uses the word “motorcyclist” to exclusively define the heterosexual male rider, so right there, you know he’s either ancient or been hiding under a rock. Either way, you shouldn’t laugh at these people. Secondly, the poor guy must be so beat down by the unrealistic expectations of non-riding females, he’s actually trying to talk them out of dating him (and you, too, if you’re a heterosexual male who rides a motorcycle). That’s tragic. Then, he’s outing his rare disorder of the nasal mucosa, which apparently, a lot of heterosexual males who ride motorcycles suffer from. I don’t really know what he’s talking about, being a girl and all; we don’t get “boogers.” Anyway, the article got me thinking. Maybe you motorcyclists (heterosexual males who ride motorcycles) are looking for love in all the wrong places. Maybe what you should do is find yourself a woman who rides a motorcycle. Consider some less-obvious reasons why hanging out with someone who digs what you dig might be the way to go.
1. We Travel Light
It is a scientific fact that all a girl really needs for any given vacation fits easily into a tank-bag: toothbrush, bikini, a little black dress, heels, sunscreen, lip-gloss, mascara, and a tire pressure gauge. Girls who ride motorcycles know this. No bulky bags crammed with “essentials” like clean underwear and shampoo that you’re expected to shlep around for her. Chances are, we’ve got a cool tank bag that doubles as a stylish purse anyway.
2. We’re a Cheap Date
Forget $15 martinis and $40 sea bass; we’re good with a Frog Dog and a beer at the races. Of course, our dream-date is a long ride on a twisty road with lunch someplace where they bake their own bread and the hostess calls the guy making sandwiches “dad.” Bonus: we show up with our tanks already full.
Check Out: 2017 L.A. Women's Motorcycle Show
Photo by Jason Sibre
3. We Get You
Feeling like a rock-star for taking your scarlet-faired torque-monster of an Italian race bike down the “scenic route” on your GPS that turned out to be sixteen miles of winding, mostly-dry, dirt logging trails and moss-slimed riverbeds? We get that. You are a rock-star. Pull off a stunt like that and we’ll probably throw ourselves at you.
4. We’re Tough
Another scientific fact: if you ride a motorcycle, at some point, you’re going to fall down and go boom. Been there, done that, and we’re not about to boo-hoo when (not if) it happens again. It takes a lot to make women riders cry. As in, “sorry ma’am, that repair bill is going to cost you a lot”.
Photo by Dennis
5. Crazy Ex-girlfriends Are Afraid of Us
Doesn’t matter what we ride (not like she’d know the difference, anyway), your nut-job ex sees you holding hands with some girl who’s holding a helmet in the other, and suddenly, camping out on your porch with a batch of your favorite cookies on what would have been the two-year anniversary of your first date doesn’t seem like such a good idea. You could be escorting the new gal to her pearl-pink Vespa, but all’s that psycho sees is “BIKER-CHICK”. In the twisted hierarchy of feminine badasses, we’re sort of up there. Right under female Navy Seals and Heidi Klum.
6. We’re into leather.
Need I say more?
Photo by Marlowe Fenne
7. We’ll Support You in a Way You’re Unaccustomed
As any man in a steady, co-habitative relationship with a woman knows, in order to maintain emotional homeostasis, all big purchases (doesn’t matter what for), must be approved by the female. It’s true. In 80 percent of U.S. households, it’s the woman who wears the fiscal pants, so it’s really in your own best interest that the woman in your house digs motorcycles, too. Not only will we approve your purchase of that vintage scrambler or the latest bike-of-the-year, we just might surprise you with it on your birthday. Plus, we’ll keep you in gear, too. When some poor guy stops to ogle your bike and utters that familiar, most emasculating phrase ever voiced by the human male, “I’ve always wanted a motorcycle, but my wife won’t let me have one”, go ahead, twist that knife. Tell him your girlfriend/wife bought it for you.
Check Out: Women Who Ride
Photo by Dave James
8. We’ll Get Off (and Stay Off) Your Back
Admit it: riding is a lot more fun without a 130 lbs backpack. Why, with my vast knowledge of spinal anatomy and physiology, I estimate riding solo could extend the total life-time and ride-years of the average 30 year-old rider by a good 17.4 years*, simply by removing the added physical burden of a passenger. See where I’m going with this? Dating a woman who rides her own bike is actually healthy for you.
(*= a completely arbitrary statistic for which I claim full artistic license and hereby disavow any claim, real or otherwise, regarding actual health benefits).
9. Your Mother Will Love Us
She may not admit it at first, but secretly, every mother hopes her son will date a strong woman. This is your ace in the hole when she tells your mom she works part-time as a dancer at a “gentleman’s club” while studying to be a tattoo artist. Mom will overlook all that: she rides a motorcycle, ergo, she’s strong. The line of thinking here is “good; let her take over,” And if a motorcycle-riding, pole-dancing, tattoo artist of a girlfriend can’t make a man out of you, get help. (PS – Most of us are not pole-dancing, tattoo artists BTW.)
Photo by m18cristo
10. Every Guy You Know Will Be Jealous of You
You tell a guy about a girl you know who rides a motorcycle, and their imagination kicks in to sixth gear. Let it. (See motorcycle-riding, pole-dancing, tattoo artist GF, above.)
Finally, turning it up to eleven: We dig satire. Most of us, anyway.
Did I convince you?